So, you finally managed to score a date with that hot guy from the online sites. Now is time for Act II in the courting ritual of the classy gay man – The first date. Not many people know this, but the first date is an extremely important event in the dating world, because if the first date is a total bust, forget about ever meeting the hot guy again. If he does agree to meet you despite a tragic first date, he’s either completely desperate and has low self esteem issues, or he finds you amusing and adorable at your worst. The second is highly unlikely, so don’t even bother counting on it to ever occur.
Before you ask someone out, it’s essential to at least have some chemistry online. True, one can’t really judge a person online; however, if you two can’t even click despite the apparent anonymity and the security of being shielded by computers and digital technology, it’s very unlikely that you two would click offline. It’s one of those things that even though may make you sound judgmental, almost always holds true - just like being bad on the dance floor equals being bad in bed. Although, I have been on first dates with people I’ve had barely any online interaction and they’ve turned out to be wonderful, however, they rarely make it past the first few dates, and it just leaves you disappointed that you wasted time over nothing.
Planning the First Date
Once you’ve discovered the two of you have good chemistry online and you do like them for their personality as well, it’s time to plan the first date. Now exchanging numbers is an iffy area because in the world of online dating – especially in the gay world – privacy is almost always an issue. If one of you isn’t comfortable exchanging numbers before meeting, it’s best to plan the date via chats and/or email. The pro – you can maintain privacy, and if the date doesn’t go so well, you breathe a sigh of relief that you are in no danger of being called again. The con – anything online loses the personal touch, and in case something happens last minute, you can’t call of the date without making the other feel stood up.
If you do decide to exchange numbers, it’s the initiator who makes the first call to plan the date. Keep the conversation light and casual, and for heaven’s sake, please keep the conversation on a PG-13 level. Anything more explicit than that just ruins any chance of having a romantic spark ever. Mild flirtation is always appreciated, but make sure it’s at the right time and the other person is clever enough to know the difference between a casual flirty compliment and a come-hitter-pick-up-line (and make sure you know the difference as well).
When to fix a date? Well, this is the tricky part. In a perfect world, the best first date is held sometime in the late afternoon/early evening on a Friday – the day of Venus, the goddess of love and all that jazz. However, with the onslaught of BPO’s and brutal rat-race corporate culture, it is essential to ask about their schedules and days and times that are convenient and match it up with your schedule and fix a day of the week and time that’s good for the both of you. This way both of you can feel comfortable without feeling the need to rush for the sake of schedule. And it’s best to try for sometime between four and five in the evening. The reason why that time is good, apart from being a time one won’t feel overstuffed or have their dinner appetite ruined, is that a first date should be casual and comfortable, and hence nothing can be better than grabbing a nice cup of coffee at a coffee shop.
Never ever go to a Barista or a CCD though – going there is almost like taking someone out to McDonalds for dinner. Instead, go to a non-evil-corporate chain coffee house that has comfy seating with a soothing ambience, and big cups of coffee in order to keep conversation flowing longer. However, if you find it hard to find such a place, or too expensive (as they tend to be), then settle for Costa Coffee. True, it’s a chain, but it’s not cheesy like Barista or cheap-looking like CCD, and the coffee is absolutely delicious and cups are generously sized. I’d personally recommend trying a medio size Café Mocha with cream, and if you aren’t counting calories, sweeten it with brown sugar - it’s heaven in a cup!
Now this part is important. It is essential to keep a good amount of time between the day of planning the date, and the day of the date itself. Along with the strains of one’s schedule as mentioned above, keeping a good amount of time shows you care for the individual and respect their time and convenience. I personally say it’s best to keep at least five days of a gap – i.e. if you wish to meet on the weekend, call sometime Monday or Tuesday. If you call by Thursday to plan for a weekend date, that’s acceptable, but it kind of gives a mild hint that you had nothing better to do on the weekend and hence thought you’d just pass some time with the person you’re pursuing. If you call on a Friday or on the day you wish to meet, it clearly gives the impression you don’t really care for the person and are selfish enough to believe that anyone can abandon their plans just for the sake of meeting you. So on the safer side, keep a gap of at least five days, and on the night before, call or text to confirm it.
Appearances DO Matter
By that I don’t mean the way you look, because I’m sure by the time you’ve planned your first dates, you have exchanged pictures (real ones and clear face pics – cock picks don’t count and are a big no-no you perv) and both of you find the other reasonably decent looking to agree to meet with in person. However, the way you present yourself in real life matters a whole lot, because it’s the first impression you shall make with someone offline, and this may be a cliché, but it’s exceedingly true – a first impression is an always lasting impression.
Now the theme for the first date, as we’ve established, is casual, and comfortable. However, don’t go dressed in track-pants or Bermuda shorts and open-toe sandals; being comfortable doesn’t equal to being shabby.
Only wear a pair of jeans if you’re in your twenties (and sometimes early 30s if you’re athletic and have a cute butt), because anyone older in a pair of jeans just gives the impression you’re either trying too hard to recapture your youth, or you’re just the Indian version of a redneck farm hick. However, many Indian men tend to fall into the trap of wearing pants that are only to be worn in corporate settings and formal occasions, so to be on the safe side, go with something cool and comfortable, and linen! Whatever you wear down below, make sure it falls nicely on you, flattering your legs by making them appear long and lean, and makes your ass look nice – don’t make it look too flat or like the rear half of a Maruti Swift. Shorts of all kinds are a big no-no, and only if you have well muscled calves can you try wearing Capri-pants.
Round collared t-shirts again are to be worn only if you’re in your twenties (or early thirties if you’re fit and can carry it off). A nice collared t-shirt would look good on all ages, or even a cute lil button-down shirt would look good. However, if you’re on the heavier side and wish to mask your ‘curves’, try wearing a light colored t-shirt (round necked) with a dark colored button-down shirt on top (unbuttoned of course), that way you can easily create the illusion of not having too many ‘curves’ – although it really wouldn’t hurt to take up yoga or join a gym. If you wanna experiment a little, here’s something a friend tried and looked really cute in. Take a light colored button-down shirt (full sleeved) and pair it up with a dark waist-coat of an intricate design. However, make sure you can carry it off well.
Never ever wear those big bulky sport shoes! And the same goes for open-toed sandals. Wear shoes that flatter your attire, and complement your personality. Boots are only to be worn if they are chic, not the cowboy nor the transvestite pole-dancer variety. I personally love my Converses, they are comfy enough to walk around all over and shop all day in, and trendy enough to wear almost anywhere. A good rule of thumb is that your belt and your shoes should be coordinated. It’s the cardinal rule of accessorizing.
Always shampoo and condition your hair on the day of the date. I don’t care if you use any other product (such as gel, hairspray, mousse, wax, etc); just make sure your hair looks neat and presentable. My grandmother once said that you can tell a whole lot about a person by the shoes they wear and the way they keep their hair. Trust me, it always holds true!
To those who complain and crib about getting pretty for a date think about this – would you like it if your date came as a total slob?
The Date Itself
Once the date is planned, and you’re done making yourself look pretty. It’s time for the date itself. Arrive at your meeting point at least fifteen minutes before the due time. That way you can grab a nice table and avoid having to stand and wait. Plus, punctuality is a virtue that’s rarely put into play by the average Delhi-ite, and having to wait for someone is my personal peeve, so arriving early will make a good impression on your date. However, if someone is more than 20 minutes late, that person doesn’t deserve your time.
When your date arrives, smile and wave him over in a friendly yet subtle manner (you don’t wanna look like a kid waving at Donald Duck in the Disney Land parade). If you really like him, head over and personally escort him to where you’re sitting, and pull the chair out for him – being a gentleman is always a good thing. And pay him a compliment once you’re both seated, but make sure its genuine and heartfelt and about something you do really like about the way he looks at the date, men too like to be adored you know.
If the coffee shop is the kind where you’ve got to go up to a counter and order, a good way of making an impression is to ask your date if you can get him anything. Usually men already have their favorite style of coffee (and that can even say a whole lot about their persona but more about that another time), and hence they don’t need to really hem-and-haw about it (unless they’re a fickle Libra or a nitpicky Virgo). This way you can sashay up to the counter and order it for them on their behalf. A man that takes charge of any situation is a big turn on. Unless of course your date suffers from Florence Nightingale syndrome (or as my best friend and I have termed it “Flo”), then they’ll just love a helpless mess who can’t do anything right.
If the coffee shop is the kind where waiters comes to the table then ask your date what they would like before the waiter arrives. Ordering for your date is another thing that’s charming. However, make sure you do it in a tone that’s friendly and shows that you care for your date, not in a tone that makes them feel emasculated.
Conversation is Key
This is the sole purpose of keeping the first date comfy and casual. To TALK! Get to know your date better, discover his individuality, his beliefs, and his dreams. Be a good listener and smile and nod when apt, however, don’t clam up and expect him to keep going on and on about himself (unless he’s an Aries, Gemini, Leo, or Sagittarius), take an active role when required. A good sense of humor is so important on a first date, especially a little subtle dry wit used at the right time and place - for the love of God (or Marc Vanderloo) stay away from toilet humor and crude jokes that involve cuss-words and are pornographic in nature. However, a casual flirtation is always appreciated at the right moment, and sometimes it’s fun to put a flirty spin on things. Just be sure you don’t come off too strong or too desperate.
Given below is a list of topics one should NEVER discuss while on a first date (or any date or romantic situation for that matter). If you have to ask why they shouldn’t be discussed, I strongly suggest you invest in a course or a book on manners and etiquette:
Before you ask someone out, it’s essential to at least have some chemistry online. True, one can’t really judge a person online; however, if you two can’t even click despite the apparent anonymity and the security of being shielded by computers and digital technology, it’s very unlikely that you two would click offline. It’s one of those things that even though may make you sound judgmental, almost always holds true - just like being bad on the dance floor equals being bad in bed. Although, I have been on first dates with people I’ve had barely any online interaction and they’ve turned out to be wonderful, however, they rarely make it past the first few dates, and it just leaves you disappointed that you wasted time over nothing.
Planning the First Date
Once you’ve discovered the two of you have good chemistry online and you do like them for their personality as well, it’s time to plan the first date. Now exchanging numbers is an iffy area because in the world of online dating – especially in the gay world – privacy is almost always an issue. If one of you isn’t comfortable exchanging numbers before meeting, it’s best to plan the date via chats and/or email. The pro – you can maintain privacy, and if the date doesn’t go so well, you breathe a sigh of relief that you are in no danger of being called again. The con – anything online loses the personal touch, and in case something happens last minute, you can’t call of the date without making the other feel stood up.
If you do decide to exchange numbers, it’s the initiator who makes the first call to plan the date. Keep the conversation light and casual, and for heaven’s sake, please keep the conversation on a PG-13 level. Anything more explicit than that just ruins any chance of having a romantic spark ever. Mild flirtation is always appreciated, but make sure it’s at the right time and the other person is clever enough to know the difference between a casual flirty compliment and a come-hitter-pick-up-line (and make sure you know the difference as well).
When to fix a date? Well, this is the tricky part. In a perfect world, the best first date is held sometime in the late afternoon/early evening on a Friday – the day of Venus, the goddess of love and all that jazz. However, with the onslaught of BPO’s and brutal rat-race corporate culture, it is essential to ask about their schedules and days and times that are convenient and match it up with your schedule and fix a day of the week and time that’s good for the both of you. This way both of you can feel comfortable without feeling the need to rush for the sake of schedule. And it’s best to try for sometime between four and five in the evening. The reason why that time is good, apart from being a time one won’t feel overstuffed or have their dinner appetite ruined, is that a first date should be casual and comfortable, and hence nothing can be better than grabbing a nice cup of coffee at a coffee shop.
Never ever go to a Barista or a CCD though – going there is almost like taking someone out to McDonalds for dinner. Instead, go to a non-evil-corporate chain coffee house that has comfy seating with a soothing ambience, and big cups of coffee in order to keep conversation flowing longer. However, if you find it hard to find such a place, or too expensive (as they tend to be), then settle for Costa Coffee. True, it’s a chain, but it’s not cheesy like Barista or cheap-looking like CCD, and the coffee is absolutely delicious and cups are generously sized. I’d personally recommend trying a medio size Café Mocha with cream, and if you aren’t counting calories, sweeten it with brown sugar - it’s heaven in a cup!
Now this part is important. It is essential to keep a good amount of time between the day of planning the date, and the day of the date itself. Along with the strains of one’s schedule as mentioned above, keeping a good amount of time shows you care for the individual and respect their time and convenience. I personally say it’s best to keep at least five days of a gap – i.e. if you wish to meet on the weekend, call sometime Monday or Tuesday. If you call by Thursday to plan for a weekend date, that’s acceptable, but it kind of gives a mild hint that you had nothing better to do on the weekend and hence thought you’d just pass some time with the person you’re pursuing. If you call on a Friday or on the day you wish to meet, it clearly gives the impression you don’t really care for the person and are selfish enough to believe that anyone can abandon their plans just for the sake of meeting you. So on the safer side, keep a gap of at least five days, and on the night before, call or text to confirm it.
Appearances DO Matter
By that I don’t mean the way you look, because I’m sure by the time you’ve planned your first dates, you have exchanged pictures (real ones and clear face pics – cock picks don’t count and are a big no-no you perv) and both of you find the other reasonably decent looking to agree to meet with in person. However, the way you present yourself in real life matters a whole lot, because it’s the first impression you shall make with someone offline, and this may be a cliché, but it’s exceedingly true – a first impression is an always lasting impression.
Now the theme for the first date, as we’ve established, is casual, and comfortable. However, don’t go dressed in track-pants or Bermuda shorts and open-toe sandals; being comfortable doesn’t equal to being shabby.
Only wear a pair of jeans if you’re in your twenties (and sometimes early 30s if you’re athletic and have a cute butt), because anyone older in a pair of jeans just gives the impression you’re either trying too hard to recapture your youth, or you’re just the Indian version of a redneck farm hick. However, many Indian men tend to fall into the trap of wearing pants that are only to be worn in corporate settings and formal occasions, so to be on the safe side, go with something cool and comfortable, and linen! Whatever you wear down below, make sure it falls nicely on you, flattering your legs by making them appear long and lean, and makes your ass look nice – don’t make it look too flat or like the rear half of a Maruti Swift. Shorts of all kinds are a big no-no, and only if you have well muscled calves can you try wearing Capri-pants.
Round collared t-shirts again are to be worn only if you’re in your twenties (or early thirties if you’re fit and can carry it off). A nice collared t-shirt would look good on all ages, or even a cute lil button-down shirt would look good. However, if you’re on the heavier side and wish to mask your ‘curves’, try wearing a light colored t-shirt (round necked) with a dark colored button-down shirt on top (unbuttoned of course), that way you can easily create the illusion of not having too many ‘curves’ – although it really wouldn’t hurt to take up yoga or join a gym. If you wanna experiment a little, here’s something a friend tried and looked really cute in. Take a light colored button-down shirt (full sleeved) and pair it up with a dark waist-coat of an intricate design. However, make sure you can carry it off well.
Never ever wear those big bulky sport shoes! And the same goes for open-toed sandals. Wear shoes that flatter your attire, and complement your personality. Boots are only to be worn if they are chic, not the cowboy nor the transvestite pole-dancer variety. I personally love my Converses, they are comfy enough to walk around all over and shop all day in, and trendy enough to wear almost anywhere. A good rule of thumb is that your belt and your shoes should be coordinated. It’s the cardinal rule of accessorizing.
Always shampoo and condition your hair on the day of the date. I don’t care if you use any other product (such as gel, hairspray, mousse, wax, etc); just make sure your hair looks neat and presentable. My grandmother once said that you can tell a whole lot about a person by the shoes they wear and the way they keep their hair. Trust me, it always holds true!
To those who complain and crib about getting pretty for a date think about this – would you like it if your date came as a total slob?
The Date Itself
Once the date is planned, and you’re done making yourself look pretty. It’s time for the date itself. Arrive at your meeting point at least fifteen minutes before the due time. That way you can grab a nice table and avoid having to stand and wait. Plus, punctuality is a virtue that’s rarely put into play by the average Delhi-ite, and having to wait for someone is my personal peeve, so arriving early will make a good impression on your date. However, if someone is more than 20 minutes late, that person doesn’t deserve your time.
When your date arrives, smile and wave him over in a friendly yet subtle manner (you don’t wanna look like a kid waving at Donald Duck in the Disney Land parade). If you really like him, head over and personally escort him to where you’re sitting, and pull the chair out for him – being a gentleman is always a good thing. And pay him a compliment once you’re both seated, but make sure its genuine and heartfelt and about something you do really like about the way he looks at the date, men too like to be adored you know.
If the coffee shop is the kind where you’ve got to go up to a counter and order, a good way of making an impression is to ask your date if you can get him anything. Usually men already have their favorite style of coffee (and that can even say a whole lot about their persona but more about that another time), and hence they don’t need to really hem-and-haw about it (unless they’re a fickle Libra or a nitpicky Virgo). This way you can sashay up to the counter and order it for them on their behalf. A man that takes charge of any situation is a big turn on. Unless of course your date suffers from Florence Nightingale syndrome (or as my best friend and I have termed it “Flo”), then they’ll just love a helpless mess who can’t do anything right.
If the coffee shop is the kind where waiters comes to the table then ask your date what they would like before the waiter arrives. Ordering for your date is another thing that’s charming. However, make sure you do it in a tone that’s friendly and shows that you care for your date, not in a tone that makes them feel emasculated.
Conversation is Key
This is the sole purpose of keeping the first date comfy and casual. To TALK! Get to know your date better, discover his individuality, his beliefs, and his dreams. Be a good listener and smile and nod when apt, however, don’t clam up and expect him to keep going on and on about himself (unless he’s an Aries, Gemini, Leo, or Sagittarius), take an active role when required. A good sense of humor is so important on a first date, especially a little subtle dry wit used at the right time and place - for the love of God (or Marc Vanderloo) stay away from toilet humor and crude jokes that involve cuss-words and are pornographic in nature. However, a casual flirtation is always appreciated at the right moment, and sometimes it’s fun to put a flirty spin on things. Just be sure you don’t come off too strong or too desperate.
Given below is a list of topics one should NEVER discuss while on a first date (or any date or romantic situation for that matter). If you have to ask why they shouldn’t be discussed, I strongly suggest you invest in a course or a book on manners and etiquette:
- Sexual history and exes (lovers, partners, fuck buddies, the girl you experimented with just to be sure you were gay)
- Religion
- How much you hate your job (no one likes a whiner)
- All your accomplishments (no one likes a brag)
- Educational Qualifications (It’s a date not a freaking job interview)
- Financial Status and Income (unless of course you wanna give the impression you’re a gold digger)
- Future Plans
- Medical issues
- Celebrity gossip (do you really want to give the impression that your life revolves around E!)
- Your mother (this goes especially to all men who are Cancerians)
- Your secret fantasy of being a burlesque dancer a la Satine from Moulin Rogue
- The fact that you can fit a fist in your mouth
Who pays?
Okay, we live in the twenty-first century; one should always pay for their share. However, it doesn’t hurt to be romantic and offer to pick up the check (after all, the one who asks always is supposed to pay). If your date insists on paying, try negotiating with a playful “you can get it next time”, however, if he’s still insistent, allow him to pay his half graciously. If your date doesn’t hesitate at all or expects you to pay for him, then he totally is an entitled prick! And if he doesn’t thank you afterwards, lose his number.
And I have to say this – paying for the date doesn’t guarantee sex afterwards, let alone another date.
Ending your date
If all goes well, and you two click well, offer to walk your date over to their car. Hug, and based on how comfortable and “out” the two of you are, give a mild kiss on each cheek (muah muah). I’m an old fashioned romantic, hence I believe that it’s best not to kiss deeply nor go to bed with on a first date. However, it depends form person to person – although, if you really want this to be a potential relationship, don’t shove your tongue or dick into him on your first date. Also, only say you’d call him or keep in touch with him if you intend on doing so. If you don’t, then just smile and say, it was nice meeting you, have a lovely evening ahead, and then turn and walk away. It’s that simple!
After Date Manners
Later at night, at a decent hour, send a text message stating how much you enjoyed the pleasure of his company and look forward to doing this again sometime. If he replies along the lines of wanting to meet again soon, call the next morning and plan to meet sometime again (remember the 5 day gap rule between planning a date and the date itself). Now many people feel one should wait 3 days after the first date before calling. I feel that only worked when one was living in the 1950’s with girls who wanted to grow up to be Betty Crocker. Do you wait three days before telling an employer you’re going to accept the job? No, because the job will not be available by then. The same could go with your date. So seize the opportunity and plan your second date.
And that leads us to the end of this part. Stay tuned to part 3 – The second and third date!
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3 comments:
Very informative and fascinating! I especially like the way you go into detail about everything leaving no chance for a question.
Eagerly waiting for the next post!!
I had a ball of a time going through this one!!! you're the GURU!!!!:P.. waiting for more! :)
great tips :o)
i think another one is not to go somewhere too noisy...nothing worse than having to repeat yourself or shout over the table - especially when you might be a bit nervous already ;o)
i think leaving yourself enough time to get there is also a biggie..rather than running in flustered, late, and umm....sweaty. (save that for later *ahem*)
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